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Jun 16, 2006, 03:14 AM // 03:14
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#1 |
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Frost Gate Guardian
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: A Place You Aren't
Guild: Suppressed Messengers [spam]
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One of My "Lost"
I'm currently writing a short story. Although this short story is actually consisted of several poems. If I get enough positive response I'll keep posting my poems to complete the story. This poem below is the end/prequel (you know how some stories do that) Here it is feedback appreciated
 BTW: the succession of poems has been titled "Living Outward Sins of Tribulation" or for Short "LOST" Midst of dying sun and waking moon. Silver purity to wash the blood of old, To wash the sins of old. Scattered fragments of memory, fading. Fading to nothingness, To perish. Taketh the sins of me, of you down, down to the depths. The depths of nothing. The depths of time. Let their inflictions wash, To cure without infection. No complication. Forgive thy and thee, Never to cause or effect, again. Only to cherish, not abuse. If desire should fail and heavenly shower wane. Then let I fade, Yes, I fade. If amnesty denied, but penance given. Thou accept. Either mental or physical, It shall be taken. With full recognition of the cause. As long as past acquit and future bright. Let thy humble power wash away my shadow. And left only new. Last edited by Prince Zyphr; Jun 16, 2006 at 03:17 AM // 03:17.. |
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Jun 16, 2006, 04:17 PM // 16:17
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#2 |
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Frost Gate Guardian
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Barbados
Guild: Heralds of Pain
Profession: R/E
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I think that using poems is a great idea to write stories. I'm no expert on poetry, but this sounds pretty good to me! It truly reads like the end of something - a closure to some great adventure or the like. Sorry that I can't offer much else technical suggestions though. Keep up the good work.
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